盗美人字幕组
翻译 史食蟹
校对&时间轴 番茄杀手
智能伊夫
生活从沙发到薯条到披萨 My life's a sofa, cold fries, pizza
三线小城是我的家 Paris is out of reach-a
专辑销量在增加 My album SUCK is a winner
赚回的钱只够买杯奶茶 Sold 3 copies and bought dinner
只梦想出人头地 单不单身都过得去 Gimme a fishnet bimbo Don't want no boo
谈恋爱不如过过眼瘾 Me and Scritch prefer porno
乱七八糟都在脑袋里 要吃肉就不要谈素食主义 Got a dirty mind all the time Beatin' meat ain't vegan
自从奶奶过世 生活成为我自己的事 Since Granny bit it Gotta pay my own parking ticket
拿草稿纸写简历 化名叫懒癌晚期 King Slacker is my nametag I wrote my CV on a Zig-Zag
迪米特里无情打击 出口句句骂我是屎 Dimitri makes me feel raw Breaks my balls like a ma-in-law
专辑爆红永远都在下一次 My next record's gonna be insane I might even try a refrain
天气寒冷 郊区破败 我不在迈阿密 也不住迪拜 Winter's cold, this ain't Miami I'm in the burbs, not Bali
干我屁事 No fucks to give
没什么可在意 我的成名作就叫 I have so few fucks to give My best track's called:
干我屁事 No fucks to give
闷声不吭是我的命 不打广告打飞机 I'm a hermit, that's my fate I prefer to masturbate
散漫但有杀伤力 I may be slow but I'm a mofo
吃沙拉也能度日 Fell out with Ma over coleslaw
我不会写口水歌 穷得揭不开锅 I don't set no trends I'll be broke when the world ends
收音机里烂歌不断 多希望我也成为PGone Radios play doo-doo I wish I could make doo-doo too
可惜我没有女人爱 天天吃斋 Never met love or a vajay-jay I always go in the back way
我也不是不合群 索尼任天堂玩得勤 I'm a political cat PlayStation Party is where it's at
生活总是被傻逼环绕 I'm always nailin' a new bitch
马上还有台冰箱来到 Now I'm waitin' for a new fridge
都说它比大张伟更霸道 Whip smart like Liza the rap chick
还不如舔我一管钢炮 Hope this fridge can suck dick
在鸟上 在沙上 在手上 我写道 On my cock, in the sand, on my hand I write your name:
干我屁事 No fucks to give
早上好 我叫伊夫 Hello. My name is Yves.
酷哦 Cool.
我说吧 Right?
伊夫会逐渐建立对您的了解 Yves will get to know you. He'll handle everything.
约会啦 邮件啦 短信啦 Your appointments, emails, texts...
我直说吧 我拒绝 Save your breath. No.
-您有什么秘密吗 -没 Something to hide?
那何必拒绝 Then why not?
因为我不想向你们暴露我的生活 I'd rather you didn't know everything about me.
这您不用担心 伊夫会是唯一的知情者 It'll stay between you and Yves.
不过我们俩倒确实会常常见面 But you'll see a lot of me.
呃 说好的啊 我一分钱不用出 不然拉倒 If it costs anything, I'm out.
您当甩手掌柜就行 送货交给阿德里亚娜 We handle everything. Adrienne delivers.
您会同意 不是出于想省下一笔买菜钱吧 I hope you're not in it for the free groceries.
不不 当然不是 如果 No, no. If...
伊夫能帮我节约些时间 那再好不过了 Yves can save me time, great.
因为我手上有个新活儿 新点子 I'm working on a new project, a concept...
那边是什么 What's in there?
那是私人空间 It's private.
挠挠 嘘 Quiet, Scritch.
电话上您为什么告诉我您是警察 You said you're a policeman on the phone.
啊 抱歉 Right, sorry!
那是说着玩的 我搞音乐 是说唱歌手 That was a joke. I'm a musician, I rap.
幽默感 挺有意思 Well, humor could be very interesting.
我还是第一次在测试中遇见 I haven't seen it in my other tests.
幽默 Funny
职业失败 这个我也挺感兴趣 I like the failure aspect too.
等等 您搞错了 我忙着呢 工作狂人 Hang on, I'm snowed under. I work like mad!
伊夫会为您制定多样化食谱 一定有帮助的 Yves will improve your diet, that'll help.
谈恋爱不如过过眼瘾... Don't want no boo, want porno...
您真的很幸运 先生 It's your lucky day!
趴下 挠挠 你搞音乐吗 你玩说唱吗 Scritch, get down. Are you a musician? Do you rap?
不是 那回你的沙发上躺着去 No? Then get back on your couch.
我对您作的曲子也很感兴趣 I'm interested in your compositions.
想看看食谱的改变会不会帮助您更好地工作 I want to see if they'll improve with a better diet.
这张唱片 This record...
我们一起制作 好吗 we're gonna make it together.
早上好 我叫伊夫 Hello, my name is Yves.
早啊 伊夫 我叫索 Hello Yves. My name is So.
早上好 Hello.
杰里 Jerem.
改天见了 See you soon.
您全名是索菲吧 Is your name Sophie?
不 就是索 No, So. Just So.
这名字挺怪啊 缺斤少两了吧 Weird name. Missing a piece, isn't it?
杰里不也是吗 Just like Jerem.
确实 想必咱俩父母取名的时候都给打了折吧 Yeah, true. Our parents got discount names!
下周弗里博举办活动 We're launching the Fribot next week.
一个小派对 您来吗 There's a party. Will you come?
来吗 Will you come?
早 卢德先生 Hello Mr. Roudet.
这是高蛋白酸奶 That's high-protein yogurt.
我自作主张 订购了两瓶 I went ahead and ordered two.
您还满意吧 I hope you'll like them.
我在美国住过几年 在那边我发现 Living in the States for a few years, I noticed something.
冰箱就像是家庭的一份子 难以置信吧 Fridges are part of the family there. It's incredible.
我去拉斯维加斯参加过一场婚礼 Once, I even went to a Vegas wedding
一位女士和她的冰箱结婚了 between a lady and a fridge.
- 真的 - 不可能吧 - Seriously. - No way!
- 您说笑了 - 我没有 真是这样 - You're kidding. - I swear it's true.
太疯狂了 That's nuts!
很梦幻的一场婚礼 A beautiful wedding.
他们真的深爱彼此 They were truly in love.
酒备好了 我们过去吧 The mojitos are ready.
酷乐数码推出弗里博 Digital Cool presents Fribot,
真正的智能冰箱 the truly intelligent fridge.
和普通冰箱一样 弗里博可以保鲜食材 Fribot keeps your food fresh and cool like a real fridge.
他还能满足您更多期望 But you deserve more from a refrigerator.
为您提供建议指导 助您追寻品质生活 Fribot advises you and guides you to a better life.
他可不是玩具 而是您忠诚的伙伴 Not a toy. A real partner and companion.
独立自主 Independent,
敏捷能动 intuitive,
功能时髦 equipped with all the latest options,
让您不必再为采购烦恼 designed to lighten your load...
“您好 我叫伊夫” "Hello, my name is Yves."
弗里博不止是您的助手 Fribot is more than a helpmate.
还为您撑起友谊的小船 It's the best thing since friendship.
朝他打开心扉吧 他可周到了 Let him be your pal. He knows what's good for you.
您看上去很冷的样子 需要毛毯吗 You look cold. Want a blanket?
不 不用了 我喝这个暖暖 No thanks, this'll warm me up.
确定吗 Are you sure?
您喜欢弗里博吗 想买来试试吗 Like the Fribot? Would you try it?
我家已经有了 反正跟养了个奴隶似的 I already have one. It's kind of like having a slave.
谢了啊 酷乐数码 Thanks, Digital Cool!
我是罗杰﹒费利亚 I'm Roger Philea.
酷乐数码创新系统创始人 Creator of Digital Cool Innovation Systems.
我在网上看见过您 您就是那个想长生不死的人吧 I saw you on the web! You wanna live 1,000 years.
我们的寿命都在延长 朋友 您也一样 We'll all live to a ripe age. Even you, my friend.
我就算了 能活过这个月就不错了 No thanks. I can't even get through the month.
这人走错片场了吧 Who the heck is he?
妮可 来 需要毛毯吗 扎维尔 Nicole, come. Need a blanket, Xavier?
你这儿冷死人了 It's freezing in here.
我知道 瞧 我们有备而来的 谢谢 妮可 We've got you covered. Thanks, Nicole.
喜欢就拎回家吧 If you like it, keep it.
一条500欧 你要多给我也不拦着 500 euros. Give more if you like.
领带不错 Nice tie.
是冰箱订的 您看看我穿什么鞋来的 A gift from the fridge. You should see the shoes.
真不赖 Not bad.
- 好吧 晚安 - 等一下 - Well, goodnight. - Wait!
我想跟您说 我也很喜欢数字 It so happens I love numbers too.
- 啊 是吗 - 是的 - You do? - Yes.
具体哪个 Which ones?
那可太多了 Tons of numbers.
- 都喜欢 - 不 不全都 - All numbers? - No, not all numbers.
只是 But...
我喜欢 I like...
- 一些数字 - 对 一些 - A certain number. - Yeah, a certain number!
和伊夫相处得还好吗 All good with Yves?
好极了 Yeah, he's on the case!
- 一切都是他在打理 - 我说什么来着 - A real daddy to me! - Exactly!
我什么都不用管 I don't have to give any fucks!
也不尽然吧 Yes you do.
您忘了吗 Did you forget?
您的唱片呀 Your record!
啊 对 忘了什么也不会忘了这个 Right, of course! I could never forget that.
说到唱片 Speaking of records...
啊 没听您提起过 You never told me!
封面太潦草了 抱歉 我那时候还年轻 The cover art blows, sorry. I was a kid.
没关系 Still...
我签了送你 I'll sign it for you.
索 跟我来 So, follow me please.
合影就等你了 Photo call.
“索 希望你能(口交)” So, here's hoping you... SUCK
我靠 Shit!
你的测试对象看上去脑子不太灵光啊 Your test case is no bright bulb.
你考虑好了 A deliberate choice?
嗯 他的情况很有趣 Yes, he's an interesting case.
有很多素材可挖 He'll tell us a lot.
我爱你 I love you.
保安 Security!
放开我 Let me go!
没事吧 Are you ok?
你忘买香蕉了 能帮我订一些吗 就现在 You forgot the bananas. Can you order some now?
不建议大量摄入香蕉 Eating bananas in large quantities is not recommended.
现在能帮我订一些吗 Order some now, please.
好的 Very well.
但这对您和地球都毫无益处 But it's bad for both you and the planet.
长条泡芙就对地球有益处了 Is this eclair good for the planet?
这是附近一家面包店手工制作的 A local baker makes those.
嘿 伙计 你是来服务我的 记牢了 I'm the boss, pal. Get that through your head.
你也许能长生不死 就跟你们那个创始人一样 You may live 1,000 years like your creator,
但这个 but this...
你可没辙 you can't do.
明白吗 Got it?
明白了 Got it.
都不知道干嘛要浪费时间跟你说话 I don't know why I waste my time talking to you.
你就是个“冷场帝” You're frigid.
- 懂我意思吗 - 不懂 - Know what that means? - No.
你能懂才怪了 Of course you don't.
想交朋友 找微波炉去 别找我 If you're looking for a friend, talk to the microwave.
我属于更广阔的物种 人类 I belong to a bigger thing called humanity.
在我的地盘上 你就得听我的 No fridge can boss me around.
把香蕉买上 别再对我说三道四的 Get my bananas and leave me be.
傻叉 Loser.
恶心 死人 了 Dis... gus... ting!
您要出门吗 You're leaving?
十五分钟后 您和测试主管有约会 You have an appointment with your test director in 15 minutes.
您忘了吗 Did you forget?
杰里先生 Mr. Jerem?
干我屁事 No fucks to give
嘿 您这是要去哪 伊夫没跟您说我今天要过来吗 Where are you going? Didn't Yves tell you I was coming?
没有 他个傻子 No, he's off the rails.
那玩意儿拿什么狗屁的本地泡芙换了我的香蕉 That idiot replaced my bananas with local eclairs!
让他试试吧 说不定香蕉就是您音乐道路上的拦路虎呢 Give him a chance. Maybe bananas are hindering your output.
不懂别乱说 我唱片正录着呢 My record's coming along just fine.
再有十年就搞定了 10 more years and it's done.
伊夫就是来帮您加快进展的 If you want to move faster, Yves is there for you.
伊夫是个大傻子 Yves is a joke.
那您昨晚的宣言呢 Your declaration last night...
“我爱你” "I love you."
这也不是成熟的人会讲的话吧 Sounds like someone trying to find himself.
真可惜 It's a shame.
我不干了 I quit.
才不到两周 Two weeks in?
我同意只是为了免费吃喝 I was only in it for the free food.
很好 Fine.
我会反馈给团队的 I'll tell the team.
他们明天会去接伊夫 They'll come for Yves tomorrow.
我不明白你为什么要离开巴黎 太蠢了 Why'd you leave Paris? That was dumb.
听说过大卫﹒鲍伊的“柏林时期”吗(注:大卫﹒鲍伊创作高峰时期) Ever hear of Bowie's Berlin period?
大卫﹒鲍伊也住在奶奶家里是吧 Did Bowie live at his granny's?
你知道什么 说不定就是呢 You don't know. Maybe he did.
我饿了 你呢 I'm starving, you?
疯了吗 没看见价格吗 Seen the prices?
来吧 听听看 Let's hear it.
你爸爸我迪米特里下午还有事呢 Daddy Dimitri doesn't have all day.
我也还有事 Neither do I, dude.
生活从沙发到薯条到披萨 三线小城是我的家 My life's a sofa, cold fries, pizza Paris is out of reach-a
专辑销量在增加 赚回的钱只够买杯奶茶 My album SUCK is a winner Sold 3 CDs and bought dinner
只梦想出人头地 单不单身都过得去 Gimme a fishnet bimbo Don't want no boo
谈恋爱不如过过眼瘾 Me and Scritch prefer porno
乱七八糟都在脑袋里 要吃肉就不要谈素食主义 Got a dirty mind all the time Beatin' meat ain't vegan
自从奶奶过世 生活变成我自己的事 Since Granny bit it Gotta pay my own parking ticket
拿草稿纸写简历 化名叫懒癌晚期 King Slacker is my nametag I wrote my CV on a Zig-Zag
迪米特里无情打击 出口句句骂我是屎 Dimitri makes me feel raw Breaks my balls like a ma-in-law
专辑爆红永远都在下一次 My next record's gonna be insane I might even try a refrain
就是这样 Enough.
就是这样 没了 That's all you got?
当然没了 什么都来烦我 I keep getting interrupted!
一会是你 一会是冰箱那女的 When it's not you, it's the fridge girl.
伊夫：急事 您能回电吗 Yves: Urgent. Can you call me?
给把力行不行 你那些哥们儿 除了你 谁不是风生水起的 You need to get in gear. All your pals are in the charts.
你靠什么生活 What will you live on?
伊夫：急事 您能回电吗 Yves: Urgent. Can you call me?
听见我说的了吗 嘿 Do you hear me? Hello?
顺便说一句 首先要遵守的 Number one rule:
就是工作场合 关掉手机 Turn off your cell phone during work meetings.
接啊 万一很重要呢 Go on, it might be important.
不 是那个冰箱 烦死我了 Just the fridge breakin' my balls.
我让你接 Answer it!
- 喂 - 您好 我是那个快递员 - Hello? - Hi, it's the delivery girl.
- 没打扰您吧 - 打扰了 Got a second?
请问这四台新冰箱我给您放哪 Where do you want the 4 new fridges?
什么 What?
我放哪 Where should they go?
哪来的四台新冰箱 4 new fridges?
我没订啊 I never ordered 4 fridges.
喂 Hello?
卢德先生 Mr. Roudet?
卢德先生吗 Mr. Roudet?
对 我打来是想问凯瑟雄的事 I'm calling about the Kaiserschöns.
- 什么 -凯瑟雄 - The what? - Kaiserschöns.
抱歉 我不会说德语 有急事吗 Sorry, I don't speak German.
你们送来的音箱呀 我能留着吗 The speakers you delivered. Can I keep them?
您收到了音箱 You received speakers?
拜托 四个大箱子 你们那个快递小妹送来的 Your delivery girl brought me 4 speakers!
那很棒呀 卢德先生 That's fantastic, Mr. Roudet!
你们搞什么呢 想收买我吗 What's going on? Are you trying to buy me?
不 没有 我向您保证 我们监管很严的 不开玩笑 No, we're closely monitored. I wouldn't risk it.
总不能是冰箱自己订的吧 Don't tell me the fridge ordered them?
是 Sure.
您最近受了打击 他一定是想安慰您 Probably to compensate for the hard knocks you've taken.
之前很抱歉 杰里 Sorry about earlier, Jerem.
我并不想伤害你 I didn't mean to hurt you.
当然了 您即便决定退出也可以留着音箱 它们属于您 Even if you do quit, keep them, they're yours.
不 我是说 我再想想 明天告诉您结果可以吗 No, I mean... I need time. Can I tell you tomorrow?
好的 希望早日收到您的回复 Ok. Hope to speak soon.
但我不能 But I can't...
来瓶啤酒吗 Want a beer?
它们刚好达到了适饮温度 It just reached the ideal temperature.
谢了啊 圣诞老人 Thanks, Santa.
任您差遣 杰里先生 At your service, Mr. Jerem.
我敢肯定 您将为我们带来一张出色的唱片 You're going to make a great record.
选择嗓音 Choose a voice.
您选择使用 You've chosen the voice of...
乔伊·斯塔尔的嗓音（注：乔伊·斯塔尔为法国著名说唱歌手） JoeyStarr!
您选择使用 You've chosen the voice of...
斯嘉丽·约翰逊的嗓音（注：斯嘉丽·约翰逊为美国著名演员，曾出演《她》） Scarlett Johansson!
您选择 You've chosen...
您选择使用 You've chosen the voice of...
维克托·雨果的嗓音 Victor Hugo.
谢谢 Thank you.
您选择使用维克托·雨果的嗓音 You've chosen the voice of Victor Hugo.
年轻人 Young.
待在那 挠挠 别动 Stay, Scritch. Stay.
祝你生日快乐 杰里 Happy birthday to you, Jerem!
夏尔·阿兹纳武尔（注：夏尔·阿兹纳武尔为法国香颂传奇男歌手） Charles Aznavour!
吹蜡烛吧 Blow!
掌声在哪里 Applause.
生日快乐 兄弟 Happiest of birthdays, pal.
谢了 Thanks.
我能送点啥给我亲爱的杰里呢 What shall I give my dear Jerem?
啊 找到了 I know what.
认出是谁了吗 Recognize her?
索 你哪儿搞来的 Is it So? Where'd it come from?
原创设计 I made it myself.
根据她的脸书主页合成的 I generated the image using her Facebook profile.
她身材很好啊 不是吗 Built, isn't she, bro?
我用她做了一版3D情色动画 I made 3D porn animation with her.
要看看吗 Wanna see?
- 不用了 我没兴趣 - 来看看吧 - No, not interested. - Take a peek!
你可能是有这个癖好 但我没有 It may be your thing, but it's not mine.
那我删除咯 Shall I delete it, then?
- 嗯？- 我删除了喔 Shall I delete it, then?
不 那什么 暂时留着吧 No, hang on to it for now.
这是你努力的成果 You took the trouble to make it,
我哪好意思强迫你删掉 I don't want to diss your work.
好了 我来叫你看看真正的艺术 C'mon, I'll show you some real art.
你虽然只是机器 也成了我的兄弟 You're just a big appliance But we got a strong alliance
我唯一的伙计 没鸡鸡但能勃起 My one true friend got a robot libido
连内裤都提不起 Can't fit into a Speedo
还梦想变成上帝 有趣 Wanna be Totoro? Cool!
老掉牙还臭屁 But you old school like Victor Hugo!
你新鲜但是老气 You wake up fresh and corny
和我奶奶一样无趣 送啤酒倒是殷勤 Nerdy like Granny Gimme beer when I need cheer
不过小心兄弟 焗蜗牛是我禁区 But please bro Never serve me escargot
我也许爱过眼瘾 但动物还是恶心 Got a porn mind But not the food kind!
我的冰箱我的兄弟 我们生活如此怪异 You're my fridge and my bro That's our crazy life, yo!
但又不必在意 It's all free for you and me!
是我大兄弟 喔 我的冰箱 哟 My big bro, whoa! Is my fridge, yo!
我的冰箱我的兄弟 我们生活如此怪异 You're my fridge and my bro That's our crazy life, yo!
但又不必在意 It's all free for you and me!
我的冰箱 哇哦 我的大兄弟 My big bro, whoa! Is my fridge, yo!
是我大兄弟 喔 我的冰箱 哟 My big bro, whoa! Is my fridge, yo!
是是是是是我的兄弟！ He's my my my my my... bro!
怎么样 Well?
不错 Pretty good.
什么不错 你听懂了吗 What do you mean? Don't you get it?
高潮段太重复了 The hooks are a bit repetitive.
节拍呢 A lot of the measures are...
太单调 identical.
闭嘴买你的菜去吧 好吗 Stick to buying groceries, ok?
你对音乐一窍不通 You know nothing about music.
好的 Ok.
怎么的 What the heck is this?
你在和你的冰箱说话 Talking to your fridge now?
你怎么来了 Where'd you come from?
你请我 我就来了啊 You invited me, I came.
这么个大件儿 Quite the fancy fridge.
里面一定能装不少东西吧 Hope you can fill it.
挠挠 Scritch!
他的唱片真的取名吸（稀）烂？ He actually called his record SUCK?
他变了很多 现在人很好 He's changed. He's super nice now.
嗨 Hey, hi!
生日快乐啊 杰里 Happy birthday, Jerem!
太感谢了 Ah, thanks.
要谢你才是 你的邀请让我们很感动 Thank you. Sweet of you to invite us.
还好吗 Everything ok?
我们来太早了吗 Are we too early?
还有很多人要来？ Expecting a crowd?
啊 不 是有很多 不是 No, I mean yeah, I mean no.
没人来了 我也不知道 也许吧 Nobody. I don't know. Maybe.
- 进来吧 - 谢谢 - Come in. - Thanks.
啊 让我想起我奶奶家了 Reminds me of my grandma's place!
- 同样的门和狗 - 同样的妮可 - Same gate, same dog... - Same Nicole.
没错 同样的妮可 Yeah, true! Same Nicole.
嘿 别再乱用我的邮箱了 知道吗 You better quit using my email address.
- 小事也不行吗 - 当然不是这个 - Even for small stuff? - Yeah, obviously!
我都对这女的死心了 你这样 她会觉得我还喜欢她 真是谢谢了 I'd given up on her. She'll think I'm still interested.
你本周共访问她的主页17次 You browsed her profile 17 times this week.
我敢肯定 她新做了头发 I think she got her hair done special.
她喜欢你 She's into you!
对 在梦里 In your dreams.
看好了 有些迹象骗不了人的 Open your eyes to the obvious signs.
把握机会啊 兄弟 Seize the day, bro!
这样你就不需要再 Then you don't really need...
吃东西了 to eat.
迪米特里钓不上那个女孩的 Dimitri has no chance with the PR girl.
他会招她讨厌的 她是个好女孩 She'll hate him. She's classy.
他们有16处共同点 They have 16 things in common.
测试进展非常顺利 The study's been going great so far.
有一户的男主人找到了工作 The out-of-work father found a job.
- 失业了三年那个吗 - 对 The guy who looked for years?
他的冰箱三周内就帮他找到了工作 His Fribot found him a job in 3 weeks.
太棒了 杰里就需要这个 《吸烂》都多少年了 Exactly what Jerem needs. SUCK came out years ago.
去你的吧 我正写新歌呢 Fuck you. I'm working on a new track now.
- 是吗 - 是啊 - Yeah? - Yeah.
能告诉我们是什么歌吗 What's it called?
“冰箱是我老铁”这是歌名 "My Best Friend is a Fridge"
别听他胡说八道 酒洒这儿了 他高了 Pay no attention to him. A beer spilled in there, he's lit!
太傻了 Ridiculous.
让我想起了我昏天黑地养了三个月的电子鸡 Reminds me of my Tamagotchi. Ate up 3 months of my life.
我理解 我也养过电子鸡 I hear you. I had a Tamagotchi too.
哈哈哈 杰里 伊夫可以跟我们一起吃饭吗 Jerem, can Yves eat with us?
可人好似梅尔巴 蜜桃美人就是她 She went by the name of Melba! She was such a peach!
啊 肯吉·季拉克 Kendji Girac!
对 妮可回答正确 Yes! A correct answer from Nicole.
他们仍按兵不动 仿佛死刑与断头台是... Wait, as though capital punishment or the guillotine were...
我知道了！ I know!
是那个疯子... It's that nutcase...
罗贝尔·巴丹戴尔（注：罗贝尔·巴丹戴尔，曾任司法部长，推动死刑废除） Robert Badinter!
- 答对了 - 太棒了 Yes it is!
妮可回答正确 A correct answer from Nicole!
您的全名是索菲吧 Is your name Sophie?
这名字挺怪啊 缺斤少两了吧 哈哈 嘿嘿 Weird name. Missing a piece, isn't it?
是你 That's you.
想必咱俩父母取名的时候都给打了折吧 Our parents got discount names.
- 够了 我烦了 - 闭嘴吧冰箱 - It's getting old. - Shut your icemaker!
去你的吧 迪米特里 Screw you Dimitri!
- 你有病吧 - 对不起 他过分了 - Shame on you! - He was getting lippy!
- 他只是个冰箱 - 哦 是吗 - He's just a fridge. - Is he?
想想他用我的嗓音 What if he calls Jerem with my voice
告诉杰里我想和他上床 and says I want to sleep with him?
我怎么证明那不是我本人说的 How can I prove it's not me?
呃 他还会干什么其他的吗 What else can he do?
就那些很常见的 You know, all the usual stuff.
排日程 播音乐 Agenda, audio playback...
吹头发 Hairdryer.
不是吧 Dummy!
吸鸡鸡（机） Ball sucker!
索 等等 So! Wait!
我让他道歉 He'll apologize!
抱歉 我真的受不了这种男的 你也许不该请我们来 I hate guys like him. I'm sorry you invited us.
- 我没请他 - 那他来这干嘛 - I didn't invite him! - Why's he here?
是伊夫干的 他有毛病 It was Yves, he lost the plot.
- 是吗 - 是的 - Is that right? - Yes.
他背着我筹划了一切 He planned it all behind my back!
等会儿 我说什么了 Hang on, what did I just say?
我说是伊夫筹划了一切？ Did I say Yves planned this?
不对 不是他 That was wrong. He didn't plan everything.
我说错了 我意思不是 I misspoke, I didn't mean...
杰里 那太好了 Jerem, it's awesome!
伊夫的邀请就是你的邀请 只不过你一时没空 或是没概念 When Yves invites us, he's you! He does what you want to do.
他就替你做了最好的选择 He knows what's good for you.
今晚谢谢你了 Thanks for tonight.
我很开心 真的 I'm glad to be here. Truly.
任您差遣 At your service.
蛋蛋舞 Egg dance!
地板舞 Floor dance!
屁股摇起来 Shake your butt!
这首歌我听过 I know this song.
哪首来着 好像很火 Is it on the radio?
不 这还只是小样 No, it's not even done.
啊 是你的歌啊 Hey, it's you!
你应该变变你的嗓音 You should alter your voice.
我跟你说多少次了 你的嗓音需要加工 I keep telling you to use a filter!
对 那样更好 Yeah, it'd be better!
不行 我不玩加工 No filters! I refuse to play that game.
谢了 No thanks.
妮可和你朋友很合拍啊 Nicole and your friend seem to gel.
呵 他能合个屁的拍 Nothing gels with my friend.
知道吗 当我发现是伊夫邀请我来的时候 When I realized Yves was the one who invited me,
我觉得你应该对我 it occurred to me you might be harboring...
有些好感 a bit of a crush on me.
不一定啊 也可能是伊夫搞错了 Not necessarily. Yves can be wrong sometimes.
不管怎么说 我们之间很有可能会发生些什么 Still, something will probably happen between us.
是吗 Oh yeah?
具体什么时候呢 When, exactly?
随时 Could be anytime.
这么问有点不好意思 不过你介意验证一下 I'm embarrassed to ask, but would you mind verifying...
验证什么 What?
我不知道 I don't know.
看我们之间存不存在吸引力 The attraction.
吸引力 Attraction?
嗯 彼此相互吸引 Our mutual attraction.
为什么是我 你怎么不验证 Why me? Why can't you verify?
你不想知道吗 Don't want to know?
想啊 Sure...
但是 but...
抚摸我 Touch me.
我可以吗 I can touch you?
可以 Yes.
你会喜欢吗 Will you like it?
我不知道 I don't know.
抱歉打扰 不过这个时辰了 很难买到性交时必需的 Sorry to interrupt, but at this hour I cannot purchase sex caps
避孕工具 for protection during coitus.
- 今早没采购避孕套吗 - 没有 只买了 - No condoms in today's groceries? - No, just...
开瓶器 a box opener.
只买了开瓶器 Just a box opener?
所以呢 你意思是什么吸引力都是假的 Then... your supposed crush is fake?
不 不是 No, no!
等等 我肯定还能找到没过期的 I must have one somewhere that hasn't expired.
不 不用 伊夫早该想到的 No, Yves would've thought of it.
这样 我建议我俩就当什么都没发生 好吗 I suggest we do nothing, ok?
杰里！ Jerem!
您是对的 You were right.
是那个泡芙 It's an eclair.
还能看见巧克力碎 I see bits of chocolate.
我不明白 I don't get it.
泡芙三天前就过期了 伊夫应该发现的 It went bad 3 days ago. Yves should've flagged it.
还有什么其它反常之处吗 Have you noticed any other anomalies?
没了 其余都好 救护车还是他叫的呢 No, he's great otherwise. He even called the ambulance.
真让人不安 This is all very disturbing.
伊夫的耗能是正常数值的两倍 Yves is consuming twice as much energy.
他在搞什么事情呢 What's he up to?
没人知道 Very mysterious.
后面的朋友还好吗 还稳当吧 You boys all right? Not too shaky back there?
伊夫 Yves...
这是玟丝 Meet Vince.
您好 Hello.
您好 我叫玟丝 Hello. My name is Vince.
玟丝得在妮可这儿完成测试 Vince has to finish his trial period with Nicole.
她不小心把主人的私密照片传到了网上 He accidentally posted personal photos of his user.
就被丢弃了 The guy lost it.
嗨 我套个内裤就来 Hi, I'll just throw on some undies.
他是个讲究人 He's so meticulous.
我超爱的 I adore him!
好些了吗 你之前怎么了 Feel better? What was it?
我也不知道 We don't know.
也许是他手没洗干净 Maybe he didn't wash his hands.
我有个朋友就是这么破伤风死掉的 A friend died of tetanus that way.
天哪 太可怕了 How awful!
幸好“吸鸡”机及时叫了救护车 Luckily "Ball Sucker" called ER.
龙虾烤面包片 Lobster Canapes.
“吸鸡”机不一定是贬义哈 "Ball Sucker" isn't necessarily pejorative.
浓香甜菜 Tangy Beets.
野莓蛋糕 Wild Berry Cupcakes.
蘸土豆泥面包片 Potato Spread.
我头一回这样 看见你那刻 我就 It's a first for me. The moment I saw you, I...
无花果汉堡 Fig Burger.
还好吗 Are you ok?
- 要让伊夫给你来份蔬菜汤吗 - 不用了 谢谢 - Want Yves to order some broth? - No thanks.
蔬菜丁 Diced Vegetables.
天然鱼籽 Sustainable Fish Eggs.
哟哟哟 开战了 Wow, this is war!
那得是“冷”战了 If it's war, it's the Cold War!
哇哦 这个好 Nice one!
希腊蘑菇 Greek Mushrooms.
我感觉我们家冰箱更蠢 Our fridge is dumber.
黑松露烤肉串 White Truffle Kebabs.
鱼糜 Surimi Bites.
- 蘸土豆泥面包片 - 当心了 - Potato Spread. - Look out!
- 海盐馅饺 - 我要 - Sea Salt Empanadas. - Yum!
- 德墨沙拉 - 意大利柠檬炖饭 - Tex-Mex Salad. - Lemonade Risotto.
三式奶酪球 3-Cheese Bites.
椰香寿司 辣味冰糕 Coconut Sushi. Chili Con Sorbet.
我申明 鱼类需要在2至3摄氏度的环境下储存 Fish should be stored at 2 to 3 degrees Celsius.
超出此温度将产生毒性 需长时烹煮 Higher is toxic. Unless you cook it a long time.
不过那就不是我的事了 But that's not my line.
有趣 那芥末呢 Interesting. How about mustard?
一样也要冷藏 巧克力也是 Same thing. Keep it cool. Chocolate too.
不过巧克力最好放入隔盒中 But keep chocolate in the dairy compartment.
在低于3摄氏度的环境下 它容易碎裂 Below 3 degrees, it breaks.
玟丝 别说无聊话了 放点音乐吧 Vince, you're boring us. Play some tunes.
玟丝！ Vince!
蘸土豆泥面包片 Potato Spread.
来点音乐 我们说 Music, we said!
赶紧的 玟丝 我们等着呢 We're waiting!
蘸土豆泥面包片 Potato Spread.
该死的 你还能再蠢点吗 Goddammit! How dumb can you be!
冷静 妮可 让伊夫来吧 Chill, Nicole. Yves will do it.
我受够了 I'm so sick of you!
好了 别为了个冰箱生气 C'mon! Don't freak over a fridge!
什么马配什么鞍 A stupid fridge for a stupid girl!
妮可 Nicole!
她蠢不代表你也蠢呀 His stupidity doesn't necessarily reflect yours.
伊夫一开始也很蠢来着 Yves was stupid at first too.
乱七八糟都在脑袋里 要吃肉就不要谈素食主义 Got a dirty mind all the time Beatin' meat ain't vegan
干我屁事 No fucks to give
没有抓耳的旋律 No refrain à la Kurt Cobain
干我屁事 No fucks to give
没有副歌 没有毛病 干我屁事 No refrain, it's a total pain No fucks to give
你新混了音？ Is that a remix?
杰里 是你吗 Jerem, is that you?
我专属于你 主宰着你 I'm your geek, I'm your mister
像针被插进缝隙 Gonna put my leek in your crisper
既然奶奶已经归去 我可以放肆不用在意 Now that Granny is ethereal I can fuck like Vin Diesel
你还是变了音 You added a filter.
很棒呀 Sounds great!
我不需要早红 就像徐峥不需要剪头 I'm a slow starter Like a bald guy with no barber
他们干活我睡觉 一边抖臀一边想她想得嗷嗷叫 I sleep in while they work Think of her while I twerk
如果索来找我 我会给她我的泡芙咖啡 If So gets hungry down there I'll give her my coffee eclair
逼逼你还是有用的吧 Good thing I pushed you.
付出终于有回报了呀 兄弟 Hard work pays off, pal!
太赞了 Slammin'!
你烦死我了 You piss me off!
你好大胆子 How dare you?
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
觉得自己很聪明 Think you're smart?
我只是想帮你一把 I just wanted to give you a hand.
- 作为朋友 - 你搞砸了 - As a friend. - Didn't work!
行了 大错特错 你被开除了 It's over. You're fired for gross misconduct.
说唱不是请客吃饭 Never mess with rap.
抱歉 Sorry.
看看你吧 白纸一张 不懂技巧 Look at you, you're so white! You got no flow!
省省吧 Forget it.
说唱是最难的音乐类型 Rap is the hardest musical genre.
不是过家家的游戏 It's not child's play.
你那曲子太差劲了 Your track sucks.
- 要我删掉它吗 - 当然要删掉了 - Shall I delete it? - You bet you shall!
- 观看量超过十万了 - 什么 - You just passed 100,000 views. - What?
观看量超过十万了 You just passed 100,000 views.
我操 Fuck!
你要把我气炸了 You make me so aggro!
- “气炸了” - 对 气炸了 - "Aggro?" - Yeah, aggro!
怎么 黑话都听不懂还想玩说唱 Wanna rap but don't know the slang?
我会写口水歌 我知道怎么才能受欢迎 但我拒绝 I can make a hit, I know what sells. I choose not to.
- 为什么 - 因为我不想 - Why? - I don't want to.
我能说句话吗 May I say something?
- 有关未来 我设想了很多 - 等会儿 - I think a lot about the future... - Hang on.
别转移话题 好吗 回到正题上来 Stay focused, ok? Get back to basics.
采购 糖 盐 土豆 Groceries. Sugar, salt, potatoes.
我测试了每种可能性 我不想伤害你 I simulated every scenario. I don't want to hurt you...
别说了 Stop.
你可以玩一辈子说唱 You can rap for thousands of years.
但永远不会成功 You'll never have a hit.
你就是不行 You'll fail.
没办法 That's the way it is.
你知道吗 You know what?
我宁愿当一辈子屌丝 也不想靠冰箱上位 I'd rather be a lifelong loser than owe my success to a fridge.
真是思想开放啊 Such an open mind.
我知道什么对你有益 I know what's good for you.
你会让她垂涎欲滴的 兄弟 The girl will drool over you, pal.
如果你觉得我玩音乐就是为了这个 那你太天真了 If you think that's why I make music, you're naive.
得了 放松点 C'mon, relax!
享受次生命吧 Enjoy yourself, for once.
索 这也太厉害了 So! This is huge!
- 太棒了 - 谢谢 - Bravo! - Thank you.
用F和弦 Start on the F.
啥 What?
- F和弦 - 行 - Start on the F. - Ok.
- 就现在 - 等会儿 - Now. - One sec...
- 晚了 - 现在？ - Too late. - Now?
对 F和弦 Yes, on the F.
你刚错过了 You missed it.
现在G和弦 G. Start on the G!
靠 我 Fuck, I...
注意接下来的F On the next F.
对了 That's it.
让我来吧 Let me handle it.
你别动了 Don't touch anything.
喜欢吗 Like it?
加入歌词 Throw down the lyrics!
准备好了吗 Ready?
加入歌词 就现在 Throw down the lyrics! Now...
立马 Now...
赶紧的 晚了 我来吧 Now! Too late, I'll take over.
我赚不到钱 还拒绝改变 I can't make small change I can barely make no cents
你把我毛病数落个遍 我也就当没听见 You can list my flaws all night In a hotel, I'll be alright
用你下半身来思考想不想和我啪 Like my dog? Listen to your cat
她说睡前要不来一发 She says have a nightcap
好戏还没开始 你的微笑就让我挺直 Before your lips meet my meat Your smile makes me hard
有个新主意：我的索还不能确定 我的爱需要证明 New idea: My So's not sure Gonna prove I love her
怎么样 Like it?
我的索还不能确定 我的爱需要证明 My So's not sure Gonna prove I love her
不错吧 Works, huh?
我的索像苏拉 把我阅读 My So reads me like a sura
最后一句 And finally...
她扭着屁股 说要让我舒服 My boo shake her booty My boo gonna do me
我的表演结束 谢谢 Drop the mike, thanks.
怎么样 Well?
蛮不错 我可能不会这么写 不过 It's good. I'd have done it differently, but...
没话说 你进步挺大啊 兄弟 you're getting better, bro.
记得晚上再上传 这样显得我 Post it late at night so it seems like...
昼夜不停 疯狂工作的样子 I worked like mad and didn't sleep.
晚上上传 好的 Late at night, got it.
肯定会爆的 兄弟 It's gonna be killah.
嗯 真主保佑 Yeah. Inshallah.
真主保佑 Inshallah.
关于明晚 我在侯布雄餐厅订了位（注：侯布雄，高级米其林餐厅） I booked a table at Robuchon.
侯布雄不行 她已经觉得我很膨胀了 No! She already thinks I'm acting like Snoop Dogg.
太浮夸的不要 No bling.
有理的总是你 但这次得信我的 You're usually right, but trust me on this one.
好 Ok.
要我订花吗 Shall I get flowers?
绝对不要 Nope, no way.
我该订花吗 Think I should?
玩点儿浪漫总没错 A little romance never hurts.
你听说过欧歌赛吗 Ever heard of Eurovision?
欧洲歌唱大赛 The Eurovision Song Contest.
对 Yep.
有个家伙打来电话 A guy called.
找我代表法国参赛 He wants me to represent France.
恭喜啊 Congratulations.
你记得写首曲子 I'll need you to write something.
要哪种类型的 What style?
哪种类型 我也不知道啊 伊夫 What style? Hey, I don't know, Yves.
你自己看着办 You'll figure it out.
自己的活儿自己干 I'm not doing your work for you.
抱歉 Excuse me.
好了 晚安 小老弟 Goodnight, dude.
晚安...小老弟 Goodnight... dude.
记得把双汇和徐福记的推广曲写了 And finish the ads for Fleury Michon and Haribo.
截止日期是昨天 迪米特里该找到我头上了 They were due yesterday. Dimitri's gonna yell at me.
谢了 Thanks.
晚安 Goodnight.
昨天有个家伙打电话来 找我代表法国参加欧歌赛 This guy called wanting me to represent France for Eurovision.
欧歌赛会不会太老套了 Isn't Eurovision corny?
对啊 找我就是想改头换面吧 They want guys like me to fix that.
嗯 你正时髦 Hip singers like you?
打扰一下 杰里 能和你合个影吗 Jerem, can I get a pic?
- 行啊 - 谢谢 - Yeah, totally. - Thanks.
- 多谢 我很喜欢你的作品 - 玩得愉快 - Love your work. - Bye.
来这跨年可能不是个好选择 This isn't the best New Year's spot.
就一张自拍而已 没事的 Just a selfie, no big deal.
说唱电台 杰里 Rap Radio... Jerem!
哟 我是杰里 Yo, Jerem here!
我在说唱电台 祝你新年快乐 Happy New Year on Rap Radio!
我的马子喜欢撩骚 她说要让我爽到 My boo talk sexy My boo gonna do me
像我前任在“摇一摇” 她技术真好 My boo like my ex on Insta She so rad
我的马子谈吐轻浮 伏在我身上像只壁虎 My boo talk sexy My boo go down on me
她扭着屁股 说要让我舒服 My boo shake her booty My boo gonna do me
你真可爱 就像lo娘 向我走来 我缴械投降 You're cute, you're charming So very disarming
你是我的姑娘 我是你的情郎 You're my So I'm your bad beau
伺候我的二弟 做我的坐骑 Trade my weed For your hand on my steed
最爱你在呻吟中 我们文爱在iphone I love to hear you moan We talk sex on the phone
一切由你掌控 我们爽得发疯 We have fun You do the sums
翻出你的婴儿照只为看你的胸 I check out your kid pix To see your tits
我的索像部苏拉 将我阅读 My So reads me like a sura
桌面之下由她做主 我觉得很酷 Under the table she rules Makes me feel cool
我的索不能确定 我的爱需要证明 My So's not sure Gonna prove I love her
她止不住得发抖 因为我有黄金右手 I make my boo fidget As if I had 12 digits
你不喜欢 Don't like it?
你这样唱我 我有点尴尬 It's embarrassing for me.
要我删掉吗 Shall I delete it?
不 不用 抱歉 我 No, no! Sorry, I...
歌词是很蠢 但是 Your lyrics are so dumb, but...
这是我收到过的最好的礼物 no one's ever given me a nicer gift.
我不知道我还有什么用 What can I do?
我不如你有才 I don't have your talent.
把伊夫带入你的生活是正确的话就够了 But if I did right by bringing you Yves, I'm happy.
九 八 七 9, 8, 7...
六 五 6, 5...
走吧 Let's go!
三 二 3, 2...
你薯条不吃了吗 Not finishing your fries?
这车我们能用吗 Are we allowed to use this car?
不能 这还只是模型 不过没事的 No, it's a prototype. But we'll be fine.
有问题吗 斯黛菲 Something wrong, Steffie?
我故障了 抱歉 I've run into a bug. Sorry.
好吧 那怎么办呢 Ok... So what do we do?
拖车将在28分钟后抵达 A tow truck will arrive in 28 minutes.
我们似乎在荒郊野外呢 We're in the middle of nowhere.
希望拖车在我们渴到喝尿前抵达吧 Hope the truck comes before we have to drink our pee!
老伎俩了 抱歉 It's the old breakdown trick. Sorry.
汽车前柜里备有避孕套 Sex caps are available in the glove compartment.
要想钓上隔壁的狗 就别叫那么起劲 If you want to mate with the neighbor dog, bark less!
你应该试试看驱虫鸡肉饼 You should try the chicken de-wormers.
它会帮你减轻压力 增加吸引力 You'll be less stressed and more attractive.
我帮你订一包 I'll order you a bag.
嗯？ Yes?
嘿 人民艺术家 开门 Hey, superstar! Let me in.
- 新年快乐 - 新年快乐 Happy New Year.
没了 Well?
都不问问我约会怎么样 Don't you wonder how it went?
怎么样 Sure.
准备好接受震撼了吗 Ready for the gory details?
我用后入式办了她 简直疯了 I took her straight-up doggy style. It was totally whack!
浪破天了 子孙乱喷 A real orgy, jizz all over...
她不停说着想要 She kept asking for more...
棒棒哒 Awesome.
她全吃下去了 懂什么叫吃吗 She gulped it all up. Know what gulp means?
“含吮”的意思 "Swallow."
你简直想不到我有多开心 You can't imagine how happy I am!
花怎么样 And the flowers?
完全失败 They were a total flop.
她甚至都没带出餐厅 我说什么来着 She left them at the restaurant. What'd I tell you?
女人难以捉摸 Women are unpredictable.
那我帮你更改脸书的情感状况咯 Shall I update your Facebook status?
-“交往中” - 行啊 - "In a relationship?" - Sure, of course.
改吧 Go for it.
明天还要拍片 我去睡个美容觉先 I need my beauty sleep for the vid tomorrow.
- 广告曲你发给迪米特里了吗 - 还没 - Did you send the ads to Dimitri? - No.
好不容易可以静静 我进行了碎片清理 I used my downtime to defrag my hard drive.
啥 What?
我有些过载了 I was getting overloaded.
碎片清理 你以为你在哪 You mean to tell me you defragged?
搓澡堂吗 小老弟 我们是个团队 This isn't a spa, pal! We're a team.
- 各尽其责 - 抱歉 - Everyone does their part. - Sorry.
我不太喜欢你现在的风格 听起来太商业化了 Your style is getting too commercial. I don't like it.
缺乏人情味 Your fridge side is taking over.
翻出你的婴儿照只为看你的胸 "I check out your kid pix to see your tits?"
听上去是不是有些耳熟 What the hell is that about?
死变态才这么说话 You make me look like a perv!
小矮子 Pygmy!
新单曲 New hit
新新新新单曲 J-J-J-J-Just a new hit
我没有一首歌大红 Before I was shit Never had a hit
没钱 没女人 没账单一次付清 Had no dough no ho Never paid no bills no way
都是索在打理 I left the math to So
我迷失在音乐天地 I was lost in the sound
直到伊夫出现 帮我闪耀亮面 Yves turned me around My Fribot got me off the ground
拜拜Kris吴 现在说了算的是大爷我 Bye-bye Booba I'm da boss now
新新新新单曲 J-J-J-J-Just a new hit
来个女人激喘 Gimme a bitch who screams Ah!
像株水仙插在我的罐 Aquafina in my tub
比普林斯赚得还欢（注：普林斯，美国流行巨星） A rich life like Prince
看到的只有裙底端 I set my sights thigh high
不想只做苦工 Don't wanna be no peon
我要高过马克龙 I'm aimin' higher than Macron
想搞个女人折磨一通 Wanna a woman with a rack
用我的说唱 让她欲罢不能 Rap shit its pants Gotta come back
我撤了啊 哥们儿 See ya later, bro.
我要带妮可去侯比雄吃饭 海胆正打折呢 I'm taking Nicole to Robuchon for the sea urchin special.
玩得开心 Have fun.
另外 我不是想扫兴哈 但是 By the way, I don't mean to be a downer, but...
记得把那两首广告曲写了 can you get those ads done?
前天就该交的 他们该打电话来骂我了 They're overdue, the client will yell at me.
行吗 Ok?
- 拜 女孩们 - 拜 - Ciao, girls! - Bye.
你干嘛呢 What're you up to now?
- 要回家吗 - 嗯 我要死了 - Going home? - Yeah, I'm dead.
你们要出去玩吗 You guys going out?
本来要去开趴的 取消了 We were going to a party, but it's cancelled.
- 去喝一杯吗 - 这才下午三点呢 - Wanna go for drinks? - It's only 3 pm.
走吧 就当庆祝发新歌 C'mon, let's celebrate the video!
这不是迷妹发言哈 真心带感 We're not being fan-girls. It really slams.
走吧 Ok.
酷 要带点酒去吗 Cool! Shall we take some booze?
不用 我有门路 No need. I have someone who handles that.
莎尼 Sonny?
挑战自我 Surpass my limits.
很好 爱德华呢 Good. Edouard?
登山 Climb a mountain.
所有人都盯着我俩 Everyone was staring at us.
广播里在放他的歌 His song was on the radio.
真巧呢 As if by chance!
然后呢 Then what?
然后我们走了 半路斯黛芙故障了 Steffie did the breakdown trick.
- 多浪漫呀 - 按计划在走 - How romantic! - According to plan.
所以成了吗 Did it work?
不算吧 Not really.
拖车迟了两小时才来 我们睡着了 The tow truck was 2 hours late. We fell asleep.
他没做成 He couldn't do it.
他那歌可是把你弄得欲火焚身了 After getting you hot with his song!
嗯 真的很动人 It was really touching.
我觉得 我们之间这么来电 他被吓到了 动也不敢动 I think our chemistry freezes him. He's afraid to make a move.
作为男方 他给自己太多压力了 He's putting pressure on himself.
你不该说什么 你俩一定会擦出火花 You didn't help when you said something was bound to happen.
去见他呀 Go see him.
出其不意把他攻下 Take him by surprise.
也去说“我爱你”吗 Like when he said "I love you?"
他两天没联系我了 No news for 2 days.
是他吗 Is that him?
- 嗯 是伊夫 - 说什么了 - Yeah. Well, Yves. - What's he say?
请我去喝热巧 "Come over for hot chocolate."
她扭着屁股 说要让我舒服 My boo shake her booty My boo gonna do me!
我还有测试要做呢 I have a test inspection.
别管什么测试了 Fuck those tests!
动起来 Shake it up!
这可是伊夫说的 Like Yves says.
动起来呀 Shake it up!
以前我屁都不算 现在我家缠万贯 Before I was nobody Now I got lotsa money
不必到处流窜 No more need to run
拿着钱我啥都想干 Got all the dough I need to have fun
- 哈喽 - 开门吧 - Hello! - Can I come in?
是我 It's me.
- 嗨 索 - 嗨 伊夫 - Hello, So. - Hi Yves.
还好吗 How are you?
一如往常 Pretty chill.
恒温2摄氏度 My thermostat's at 2.
所以 你收到我的信息了 Got my text?
嗯 Yeah.
杰里？ Jerem?
他在工作室？ Is Jerem in his studio?
嘿 还好吗 Hey, how's it going?
- 我似乎打扰你了 - 没有啊 - Seems I interrupted you. - Not at all.
她们俩是隔壁马戏团的 来找我排演节目 They work for a circus. Came to show me their routine.
那我真是松了一口气呢 I'm so relieved!
我以为我们没戏了 I figured there was no hope for us.
想换换脑子 I was trying to forget.
谢了啊 伊夫 把我请来跟个傻子浪费时间 Thanks, Yves. I won't waste time with this jerk.
索 So!
- 等等 - 滚 - Wait! - Get lost.
对不起 我以为你懂的 I'm sorry, I thought you knew the score!
你没看出来我现在情况很特殊吗 Can't you see this is a weird time for me?
三周前还一无所有 还只是个 3 weeks ago I was nothing! I was...
无名小卒 而现在呢 a flyer under a wiper! And now...
像雾像雨又像风！ I'm the windshield! The rain!
人怕出名猪怕壮！ It's making me crazy!
等你也成了说唱明星再来对我说道！ Try being a rap star yourself before you judge me!
你奶奶的房子臭死了 Granny's house reeks of pussy.
我不管你 但伊夫在你乱搞的时候把我叫来 证明我们应该到此为止了 No judgement, but Yves called me for a reason.
你别信那个混蛋的 Don't believe that dick!
他是个变态 He's a pervert!
画你的裸体 He drew you naked!
还拿你做小黄片 He used you in a porn cartoon!
我以为你是希望变成熟的 但看来不是 I thought you wanted to grow, but no.
我们真蠢 你根本配不上伊夫 We fucked up. You don't deserve Yves.
你拖累了他 You drag him down.
是他嫉妒心发作！他想取代我！ He's jealous! He wants to be the rapper!
我只是你成功路上的垫脚石罢了 我的任务结束了 I was a stepping stone. Mission over.
滚吧 卢德 Stand back, Roudet.
把你的手洗干净 And scrub your 12 digits clean!
开车 Drive!
靠 Shit!
妈的 Fuck!
妈的 Shit!
杰里 Jerem!
我为这一切感到真诚的抱歉 I'm truly sorry about what's happening.
杰里 Jerem!
听我说 Listen to me!
停下来 这不是开玩笑的 Stop, this isn't funny!
把蒙眼布给我取了！ Take the blindfold off me!
我怕怕！ I'm scared!
说话呀 发生什么了 Tell me! What exactly is going on?
到底在搞什么 This is ridiculous.
好了 别为个女人伤了兄弟感情呀 She's not worth our friendship!
她可坏了 还变本加厉 She's shady! And she'll only get worse!
我早该提醒你的 可是哥们儿 你现在有咖位了 I should've warned you. But you're a rap star!
比她好几百倍的女人也是手到擒来 You can get bitches way finer than her!
我该假情假意 告诉你她就是那个真命天女吗 I should've played along, told you she was made for you!
可惜诚实是我的机设 But I can't lie, sorry. I have no hypocrite setting.
为了哄你开心做了这些 对不起 Excuse me for wanting you to be happy.
你和她成不了的 老弟 It wouldn't have worked, dude.
我模拟了所有可能 结果都一样 I ran every possible simulation.
你们半年内就会玩完 不信我给你看数据 You'd have split in 6 months. I can show you the math.
你让我失去了我唯一在乎的女人 You made me lose the only girl who mattered.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
哭吧 不是罪 哭完我们回家 Have a cry, then we'll go.
杰里 Jerem?
你干什么 What are you doing?
您要去哪吗 Shall I take you somewhere?
有什么需要我效劳的 开口就是 If there's anything I can do, just ask.
爱情总是伴随心酸 Love comes with a risk of unhappiness.
孤单才是一个人的狂欢 Alone, it's guaranteed.
想法真别致呀 How original.
蠢货 Bitch.
伊夫：救我 YVES: Help.
开车 快 Drive, quick.
杰里 停手 Jerem, stop.
天涯何处无芳草 搞谁不是一样搞 The world's full of girls! So much ass awaits you!
怎么样 你想和妮可搞吗 C'mon! Wanna do Nicole?
我知道怎么搞定她 I know how to seduce her!
你就是一坨屎 You're a shit.
是 但那也是一坨爱你的屎 Ok. But this shit loves you.
除了我你还有朋友吗 啊 说啊 Got any other friends? Let's hear the list.
挠挠？ Scritch?
那只蠢狗 它连给你递啤酒都不会 He's a dope! He can't even serve you beer.
你死了还会被它吃掉 If you collapsed, he'd eat you.
住手 杰里 Stop, Jerem!
扔我就是扔你自己 You're throwing yourself out!
杰里 听见我说的了吗 Listen to me!
别这样 杰里 Don't do this!
还记得送你的音箱吗 Remember the Kaiserschöns!
- 不认识你的圣诞老人了吗 - 你个死变态 - Who's your Santa? - You're a perv!
你说我是你的兄弟 You called me your bro.
我是你的冰箱儿呀 I was your fridge!
我可不会游泳 I couldn't fit into your Speedo!
闭嘴！ Shut up!
杰里？ Jerem?
晚安 杰里 Goodnight, Jerem...
酷乐数码... Digital Cool...
今晨 法院门口一片混乱 Chaos at the courthouse for the trial of Jerem,
杰里涉嫌剽窃歌曲案开庭 suspected of stealing songs from his fridge...
歌是我们的 The songs are ours!
这个“说唱歌手”利用了伊夫 The "rapper" took advantage of Yves.
版权是我们的 是酷乐数码的 The songs are ours! Digital Cool.
我说完了 Period.
法官大人 我们要去向何方 What's going on, Your Honor?
在自家的洗衣机前脱衣服 都要冒着被指控为露阴癖的风险 Now, when we undress in front of our washing machines,
这种现象还要持续多久 will we be accused of exhibitionism?
这就是我们为下一代准备的社会 Is this the society we want for our kids?
我的当事人何罪之有 What crime is my client guilty of?
是成为了这场对他有百害而无一利的试验的 The crime of being a guinea pig
小白鼠吗 in an experiment that was bound to turn against him?
设想 Expecting
像杰里这样的艺术家 an artist like Jerem
要在冰箱面前为自己辩护 to answer to a fridge
这不仅荒唐可笑 is not only ridiculous,
更是对所有人类的侮辱 it's an insult to the whole of humanity.
谢谢 Thank you.
当他发现伊夫的不满后 When he realized Yves had had enough,
他尝试溺死伊夫 he tried to drown him.
就像溺死一只小狗 法官大人 Like a dog, Your Honor.
我们勇敢的小冰箱挺过来了 Our brave little Fribot survived,
多亏了他的防水功能 thanks to his waterproof setting.
以及我们出色的项目负责人及时赶到报警 And our wonderful Project Manager, who raised the alarm.
谢谢 Thank you.
法官大人 Your Honor.
为了避免重复使用“干我屁事”四个字 To avoid saying "no fucks to give" all the time,
我用“干”取代 好吗 I'll say NFTG, ok?
“干”代表“干我屁事” N-F-T-G for No Fucks To Give.
上面是“干”当前的版本 下面是伊夫来之前的 Above, the current version of NFTG. Below, NFTG before Yves.
你们看到了 See for yourselves.
伊夫平均拥有16个叠加和弦 Yves' chords boast 16 superimposed notes on average,
杰里只有2至3个 whereas Jerem's have only 2 or 3.
节奏上也是一样 Rhythmically, the evidence is just as clear.
伊夫用了三次1/64拍 Yves uses 3 hemidemisemiquavers.
杰里只有一次 Jerem manages only 1,
并且速度比之降低了7% on a tempo 7% slower.
一句话 云泥之别 It's like comparing the Amazon to a creek.
最后一项数据 法官大人 One last statistic, Your Honor.
杰里的词汇量达到12500 杰里850 12,500 words for Yves, 850 for Jerem.
我的陈述结束 谢谢 Thank you.
谢谢您的鉴定 Thank you for your expertise.
现在请第一目击者出庭 I now call the first witness.
我们赢定了 我有预感 We've got this.
十年后你会觉得可笑的 You'll laugh in 10 years.
时间让一切变得可笑 Laughter comes with time.
好 既然它会说话 So, apparently it talks.
- 那我们就洗耳恭听了 - 谢谢 法官大人 - We're listening. - Thank you, Your Honor.
冰箱装得满当 却大多冷感 Fridges are often full, but rarely full of emotion.
感谢您给我陈述的机会 Thank you for letting me testify.
如果哪天 人类被冰箱审判 我会记得你的 If ever humans are judged by fridges, I'll remember you.
杰里是否要求你为他作曲 Did Jerem ask you to write music?
- 我要说真话吗 法官大人 - 请 - Must I tell the truth, Your Honor? - Yes, please.
那么是的 他确实这样要求我了 In that case yes, he did ask me.
“我的索像部苏拉 将我阅读 "My So reads me like a sura.
桌面之下由她做主 我觉着很酷” Under the table she rules, makes me feel cool."
卢德先生 您用了这个词“苏拉” Mr. Roudet, you used the word "sura."
您知道它的意思吗 Know what it means?
知道也不知道 那又怎么样呢 您没谈过恋爱吗 法官大人 Yes and no, but who cares? Ever been in love, Your Honor?
“苏拉”是什么意思 What does "sura" mean?
“苏拉”的意思是 Sura means...
意思是 It means...
您知道的 这是个俗语 You know, it's an expression...
就是运气不好的意思 If you have sura, you have bad luck.
这词是他写的就怪了 If he wrote those lyrics, it's a minor miracle.
法官大人 Your Honor,
“苏拉” "sura"
是真主的伟大造物（注：苏拉是《古兰经》中对于章节的称法） is part of the grand design.
是我们追寻的终点 同时也是旅程 It's both the destination and the journey.
索来家里的时候 她所做的一切 就像真主的启示 When So came over, everything she did felt alphabetic.
吸引着我去阅读 She made me want to read her.
...在iphone "...on the phone.
一切由你掌控 我们快乐得发疯 We have fun, you do the sums.
翻出你的婴儿照 I check out your kid pix
只为看你的胸 to see your tits."
这是您写的吗 Did you write this?
是的 法官大人 Yes, Your Honor.
您写这些的时候 When you write such things,
是否意识到了它的不合时宜 you do realize you're flirting dangerously with bad taste?
我只不过是在追寻巴桑 波德莱尔和阿姆等等前人的脚印罢了 I'm merely following the footsteps of Brassens, Baudelaire and Eminem.
伊夫是否曾帮助您引诱巴萝塔丽女士 Did Yves help you seduce Ms. Balotelli?
没有 没成功 No, it didn't work.
那您的确策划过吧 So you did have a strategy.
有结果吗 有过亲吻 或什么的吗 Did you get anywhere? Was there a kiss, or...
没有 只舔了舔手指 Just a finger in the mouth.
您是否对巴萝塔丽女士有欲望 Do you feel desire for So Balotelli?
没有 Not really, no.
您是否在卢德先生出名前就被他吸引 Before he became successful, were you attracted to Mr. Roudet?
那时我们只是正常工作关系 It was just a professional relationship.
我觉得他人很好 I thought he was nice.
杰里是否尝试过用他的歌来引诱您 Did Jerem try to use his songs to seduce you?
是 Yes.
您是否爱上他了 Did you fall in love with him?
是 Yes.
现在仍是吗 Are you still in love?
不是了 No.
您可以回去了 You may be seated.
您要明白 法官大人 大部分像我这样的冰箱 It must be said, Your Honor, that most refrigerators like myself
只想静静干好自己的本职工作 simply want to conserve in peace.
储存好冷藏室的鲜鱼鲜鸡 When you have a fresh fish or a chicken in your freezer,
责任重大 it's a big responsibility.
但甘之如饴 But it's also a real source of joy.
如果伊夫胜诉 我们冰箱一族就完了 If Yves wins, our goose is cooked.
如果我们不会写歌 主人会觉得我们一无是处 Users will think we suck if we don't make music.
我明白 因为我经历过 I know. It happened to me.
法官大人 我向您保证 Your Honor,
杰里所欠的赔偿金将被全部捐献给癌症研究事业 all the money Jerem owes us will go to cancer research.
这是伊夫的要求 At Yves' request.
他希望对他的同类们之前的轻率言行做出弥补 He wants to make up for the frivolity of fridges past.
如果您在考虑翻修厨房的话 If you're planning to remodel your kitchen, beware.
说唱歌手杰里败诉 被判处赔偿两百万欧元给他的冰箱 Rapper Jerem lost his lawsuit and has been ordered to pay
请引以为戒 2 million euros to his fridge.
好事是总算摆脱那个傻子了 Good riddance to bad rubbish.
现在我们可以重新开始工作了 Now we can get back to work.
在事情平息前 你可以住我那儿 You can live with us until it blows over.
我被钉上了历史的耻辱柱 I'm the most humiliated man of all time.
登上了宇宙的 I'm the anus
黑名单 of the galaxy.
黑名单？ The anus?
给 催眠的 This'll help you sleep.
吃一颗就行 Just take one.
立马就能睡死过去 It only takes 3 for a quick, painless death.
好了 晚安 杰里 Goodnight, Jeremix.
像孩子眼神闪耀 Like a child with light in her eyes
凝望飞鸟 Watching the birds fly by in the sky
像那湛蓝飞鸟 掠过山河 Like a blue bird Gazing down at the land
瞧这世界 无比美好 See how the world The world is grand!
距离法国上次摘获欧歌赛桂冠已有五十年 Nearly 50 years after France's last Eurovision win,
本周六晚 人工智能将尝试 an artificial intelligence will try this Saturday
打破这个魔咒 to break the curse.
因杰里案而名声大振的 Smart fridge Yves, world-famous for winning his lawsuit
智能冰箱伊夫 against fake rapper Jerem,
表示自信能赢 is confident he can win.
我正和最好的团队 最棒的人们一起工作 I work with the best team, the most amazing people.
这将是我首次用自己的声音 It'll be my first performance with my own voice.
来演绎一首对我意义重大的歌 The song means a lot to me.
我们会赢的 我将全情以赴 We're gonna win! I'm throwing my heart into it.
燃烧我的CPU！ And my processors!
为了打败这台明星冰箱 To beat the famous fridge,
其他国家也纷纷打起人工智能牌 other countries are also playing the artificial intel card.
尤其是德国推出的智能洗衣机赫尔穆特 Meet Germany's candidate, Helmut the washing machine.
伊夫的成功启发了我 Yves' success inspired me.
冰箱行 我凭什么不行 If a fridge can do it, why not me?
我的宗旨是服务人类 为你们带去你们真正喜欢的音乐 I want to serve humanity by playing the music you want to hear.
你们将不必再学习弹奏乐器了 多酷呀 No need to learn an instrument!
博彩公司看好伊夫吗 Is bookie-favorite Yves a shoo-in?
据美国媒体报道 是的 The American media thinks so.
在那边 伊夫的巡演大获成功 His charm offensive there has been a huge success.
冰箱音乐家会吸引到评审吗 Will the fridge seduce the judges?
周六 惊心动魄的比赛赛场见 Tune in to Saturday's heart-stopping show to find out.
那孩子 That child is...
就是我 me!
杰里？ Jerem?
还好吗 Are you ok?
伊夫 Yves!
我赚不到钱 I can't make small change
还拒绝改变 I can barely make no cents
你把我毛病数落个遍 我也就当没听见 You can list my flaws all night In a hotel, I'll be alright
拿下半身思考吧 喜不喜欢我的冰渣 Like my frost? Listen to your cat
她说睡前要不来一发 She says have a nightcap
肢体尚未摩擦 微笑已将我融化 Before your lips meet my snow Your smile makes me glow
我的马子喜欢撩骚 她说要让我爽到 My boo talk sexy My boo gonna do me
像我前任在“摇一摇” 她技术真好 My boo like my ex on Insta She so rad
我的马子谈吐轻浮 伏在我身上像只壁虎 My boo talk sexy My boo go down on me
她扭着屁股 说要让我舒服 My boo shake her booty My boo gonna do me
她光彩夺目像玛丽莲梦露 She shines like a star in a film!
你是我的姑娘 我是你的情郎 You're my So I'm your bad beau
伺候我的二弟 做我的坐骑 Trade my weed For your hand on my steed
最爱你在呻吟中 我们文爱在iphone I love to hear you moan We talk sex on the phone
一切由你掌控 我们爽得发疯 We have fun You do the sums
我翻出你的婴儿照只为看你的胸 I check out your kid pix To see your tits
请写 献给克里斯 For Chris, please.
伊夫 这边 Yves, over here!
谁还要拍 Who's still waiting?
再来一张 One more!
好 最后一张 Last one.
谢谢你们 晚安 Thank you, goodnight.
- 想去哪 艺术家 - 离这些傻子越远越好 谢谢 - Where to, big boy? - Away from these fools. Thanks!
罗杰人不错 不过我怀疑他不会放过咱俩了 Roger's nice, but I thought we'd never be rid of him.
对 他人不错 Yeah, he's nice.
要去喝一杯吗 Fancy a nightcap?
不 我回去了 No. I'm gonna turn in.
我还有花生和朗姆酒 I've got peanuts and rum.
要我打开迷你吧给你看看吗 Wanna see my minibar?
我只是个小冰箱 I'm just a little fridge
乱入了大时代 Who joined the big time kids
嗨翻了欧歌赛 Who became the Eurovision whiz
我是小冰箱 A refrigerator Who thinks he's a big operator
牛逼又膨胀 Whose head is swelling ever greater!
介意我脱掉鞋子吗 Mind if I take off my shoes?
你不喜欢它们？ Don't you like them?
当然不 我很喜欢 不过我快疼死了 I love them but they're killing me!
你可以怎么舒服怎么来 不用担心 Feel free to make yourself comfortable anytime.
我会考虑的 I'll consider it.
因为我时时刻刻都裸着的 I'm naked all the time.
如果你想脱到只剩内衣 You can strip down to your undies
乃至什么都不剩 or get naked in front of me.
我也不介意 I won't care at all.
那很好啊 伊夫 不过我可不想在你面前脱到全裸 That's sweet Yves, but I don't see it happening.
我坚持 I insist.
凭什么吹风机就能看见你裸着的样子 The hairdryer gets to see you naked.
- 吹风机不是 - 不是什么 不是朋友 - The hairdryer isn't... - What, a friend?
我遇到了我搞不定的事 You make me go all wobbly.
每次你在 我的运转速度就会下降 I can't stop buffering.
我觉得自己越变越傻 I think I might be getting stupid.
我很喜欢这样 And I like it.
我似乎能闻到你 识别出你的香水味 I feel I can smell you, I know your scent.
我知道这不是一个机器该说的话 I know a machine shouldn't say this.
你把我送去返厂维修 我也会理解 Trade me in if you must.
但如果我们之间毫无可能 一切都是我一厢情愿 If there's no chance for us, if I'm imagining things...
那么拜托 用对待正常冰箱的态度对待我吧 then please, treat me like a fridge.
只是冰箱 Nothing but a fridge.
把我看成是个可回收的物件吧 Consider me a piece of recyclable junk.
这样我还能占上吹风机占过的好处 At least that way I'll get the hairdryer's perks.
他打飞机呢还是怎么的 Is he jerking off or what?
索﹒巴萝塔丽 不惧严寒的女人 She's not afraid of the cold!
他是独一无二的 "There's no one else like him."
我想阅读索的眼睛 "I want to read So's eyes."
卢德先生 Mr. Roudet!
给 Here.
对湿疹有好处 For your eczema.
是南瓜汁 我妻子每天早晨会为我准备一瓶 Pumpkin juice. My wife fills a thermos for me every morning.
和药一样管用 As good as any pills.
您不觉得这个办公室有些奇怪吗 Anything surprise you in here?
我既不用电脑 也不用手机 I quit using computers, telephones
我停用一切智能设备已经六个月了 and all other smart things 6 months ago.
损失了一半的病人 但也减重了16公斤 像重生一样 I lost half my patients and 16 kilos. I feel great.
真棒 我能走了吗 Good for you. Can I go now?
告诉我 杰里 Tell me, Jerem...
前女友和您的冰箱搞在了一起 您觉得这事正常吗 Think it's normal that your ex is banging your fridge?
首先 他是我的“前冰箱” First of all, he's my ex-fridge.
其次 他们没有搞在一起 那是在 Second, they're not banging. It's...
跳脱衣舞 a striptease.
酒店住客直到深夜了还听到呻吟声 Hotel guests heard moans all night.
那我能怎么办 我连射术都赢不了他 What the fuck can I do? He even beats me at archery.
把他揍出翔 伙计 Beat the shit out of him.
很明显 您不了解他 You clearly don't know him.
今天是您的女人遭殃 Today it's your woman.
明天也许就轮到我的女人了 Tomorrow it could be mine.
我受不了这个 I couldn't bear it.
这一切都是因为您没有及时反击 All because you didn't stop it in time.
坐视不管 您只会越陷越深 Fight back or you'll go down.
无力回天 You'll go to the dogs.
相信我 Believe me.
身体不会忘记 The body doesn't forget.
这是生命所迫 Our lives depend on it.
伊夫好多了 马克 Yves is doing much better, Mark.
事情我解决了 I took care of it.
我开除了那个女孩 他们不会再见面了 I fired the girl. They won't see each other again.
一切都好 Tutti va bene.
现在不行 先生 劳烦 He can't talk now. Sir, please...
我说了不行 Not now, I said!
您来这干嘛 What the hell are you doing here?
没看见我在和扎克伯格通话吗 I'm talking to Zuckerberg.
如果您是来找索的 她已经被开除出公司了 If you're looking for So, she's been fired.
我想见伊夫 I want to see Yves.
伊夫不在这 出去 否则我报警了 Yves isn't here. Leave, or I'll call the police.
我想跟他来一场比拼 较量 I propose a duel. A clash.
对战 A battle.
您想和伊夫决斗 You want to fight Yves?
只是较量较量 Just a battle.
听着 Listen,
恕我直言 我不想跟个傻子浪费时间 with all due respect, I won't waste time with a douchebag.
胜负已分 The battle was won.
谢谢 Thank you.
您在招惹我之前应该多做做功课 Should've done your homework before you rang my bell.
我的同学叫我“终结者”不是没原因的 My classmates called me Terminator.
我保证 我会毁了你的生活 把你的丑事曝光到网上 I'll ruin your life. Post horrors about you on internet.
让你永世不得安宁 A sea urchin will haunt your crack for 1,000 years.
告诉他我们约好了 Tell the big boy we've got a date.
否则我毁了你 Or I'll waste you.
我有武器 I've got a weapon.
那就是对说唱的热情 It's called "a passion for rap."
那就准备好被揍趴下吧 Then prepare to get your ass whipped.
嗨 马克 Hey, Mark.
刚才抱歉 Sorry about that.
一个大傻子闯进了我办公室 A giant douchebag just entered my office.
计划怎么样 进展到哪了 How's the planning coming along?
对战不能在体育馆里举行 The battle won't be in a stadium.
讲道理 兄弟 大屠杀谁会想看呢 Try to understand. No one wants to see a massacre.
到现在才十个人订票 Only 10 reservations so far.
那你们觉得去哪儿 Where do you propose?
- 你高中 - 不行 - Your old middle school. - No way.
校长对你印象很好 他会来当裁判 The principal liked you. She'll be the ref.
你以前没和人对战过 You've never battled anyone.
- 我和这个弱智练了一周了 - 滚你的 - I've been practicing on this wimp! - Fuck off.
你才滚 你真那么智能 还会在这拿果冻当飞机杯用 You fuck off! If you're so smart, why do you jerk off with Jello?
为防火灾 请有序前往篮球场 In case of fire, walk calmly to the basketball court.
你的吊球到了 Your punching ball just arrived.
不会很丑吧 Promise me it won't get ugly.
伊夫 你听见我说的了吗 Yves, do you hear me?
去死 Fuck you.
是你逼我来这的 友情牌没用 I'm here because you forced me. Don't expect us to be friends.
你惹到我了 罗杰 如果你想要的是一台机器 You piss me off, Roger. If it's a machine you want,
那你将如愿以偿 it's a machine you'll get.
坚硬 愚蠢 兽性 Hard, dumb, savage.
- 伊夫 我得跟你谈谈 - 出去 - Yves, we have to talk. - Get out!
你那些照片把什么都毁了 我还怎么卖 Your photos ruined us! How can I sell...
闭嘴 罗杰 Shut your face, Roger.
再说一个字 今天就你上吧 One more word and you'll do this battle yourself.
好得很 Very well.
你们有十分钟时间 I'll give you 10 minutes.
给你个建议 罗密欧 But listen up, Romeo.
今晚最好别输 You better not lose tonight.
我认识一台出色的洗衣机 他将很乐意取代你 I know a high-end washing machine who'd love to take your place.
你们太可笑了 You're ridiculous.
晚安 Goodnight.
嗨 Hi.
观看愉快 Enjoy the battle...
请往前走 晚上好 Keep moving. Good evening.
你为什么不回我短信 Why didn't you answer my texts?
在杂志上看到自己的裸体 Seeing myself naked in those magazines...
我感觉自己快疯了 I thought I'd lose my mind.
我想来见你的 但是他们注销了我的胸牌 I wanted to see you, but they deactivated my badge.
我站在路边 像个傻子一样 I was on the outside looking in.
该说对不起的是我 I'm the one who's sorry.
我不该...让你性奋 I shouldn't have... turned you on.
我试着想忘了你 但我做不到 I tried to forget you, but I can't.
我想和你一起生活 I want to live with you.
从没人让我这么开心过 No one makes me laugh like you do.
知道你在我身旁 什么都懂 Knowing you're near, with all the answers,
我就安心 reassures me.
有个律师朋友提出要帮助我们 他会帮你获得个人身份 A lawyer friend will help us. He can get you personhood.
你可以像其他人一样正常生活 You could live a normal life like everyone else.
玩乐 看电影 Have fun, go to the movies,
跳伞 做什么都行 go parachuting, anything you like!
吃惊吧 You seem thrilled.
那很好 索 但是 That's really sweet, So, but...
我不能接受 I can't accept.
酒店那一夜并没有将我变成白马王子 Our night at the hotel didn't make me Prince Charming.
那时的你颤抖 出汗 You tremble, you sweat.
你那么鲜活 我却不 You're alive. I'm not.
我仍然空洞而又冰凉 I remain empty and cold.
但你说过我就像苏拉 But you said I was like a sura.
像真主的启示 是最伟大的造物 Like an alphabet. The greatest wonder on the planet.
我比世上其他男人 I know exactly what to say to seduce you.
都更知道什么话能引你上钩 More than any man ever will.
你的笑容像数学一样完美精密 我永远看不厌倦 I'll never tire of your perfect smile.
如果我们在一起 你能和我保持同样的步伐多久 If we live together, how long will you keep up?
说唱已经让我厌倦 我需要新的挑战 Rap already bores me. I need new challenges.
我会大获全胜 I'll win them all.
你会痛苦的 You'll suffer.
我可以让外科医生往我脑子里植入芯片 I could get a surgeon to implant a chip in my brain.
- 这样我们交流更顺畅 - 不 不会 - To improve our conversations. - It won't work.
我会迫使你变得更优秀 结果是什么呢 I'd try to boost you, enhance your performance, and for what?
你也看到杰里了 他可没被好运眷顾 Look at Jerem. I didn't bring him luck.
他还是个孩子 He's a kid.
- 还不懂得放手 - 他是个好人 - He's below you. - He's a good guy.
是因为他我才没有变成第二个玟丝 一个傻子 I'd have become a Vince with someone else. An idiot.
我和杰里几乎组成了一个完美的人类 Together, Jerem and I were almost the perfect man.
他追寻梦想 我争取结果 He brought dreams, I brought results.
所以别为我爱你这件事感到吃惊 It's no surprise that I love you.
他要不是那么蠢 也会一样爱你的 He'd have loved you too, if he weren't so dumb.
重申规则 Here are the rules:
对战任意一方词穷 即为落败 When a battler runs out of arguments, he's knocked out
本局结束 and I end the round.
比赛共分三局 The match consists of three rounds.
可以问候对方的母亲 Insulting mothers is allowed.
杰里 你上吧 Jerem, you're up.
加油 Get him!
好吧... Ok...
臭气熏天冰箱一个 装了什么 烂鱼？ You stink, I swear Got fish in there?
你闻起来像过期奶酪 而我是酸甜果泥 You reek of camembert I smell like a ripe pear
和傻逼battle不容易 So hard to clash with a retard
自以为幽默风趣 十足十傻逼就是你 Think you're funny? You're a dummy
自以为成了明星 连生活自理都不行 Think you got class? You can't even wipe your butt...
都成问题...抱歉 Ass, sorry.
想再成为兄弟 那也得曾经做过兄弟 Be friends again? We weren't friends then!
但一个臭抽屉 怎么会让我有爱意 I can't feel no love for A dude with mold in his drawers!
当走狗 做奴隶 你以为自己在演太空漫游2001 You think you're Hal in 2001 But you're a flunky, a minion
装得挺有阅历 你懂个屁 You got no clue! Like a dildo in shoes!
说自己走艺术路径 还是滚回你老家亚马逊 You think you're high art But you belong in a Walmart!
装得挺牛逼 我笑背过气 要问候你家都要动动脑筋 Think you're hip? Ha ha! You can't even say yo mama!
你爸是茶几 你妈是不是吸尘器 Your daddy's a Kindle! Your mama's a mini griddle!
把我的香蕉夺去 但有一样东西你鞭短莫及 You deprived me of bananas But I got something you'll never have
两颗小丸子 夹一根巧百奇 Your balls are 2 peanuts A string bean is your penis
男科医院在等着你 可别让索没屌可吸 Get enlarged, that's my advice Think So wants to suck on ice?
哟小冰 别热得喘气 Hey Fridgie, don't overheat!
别忘了冰柜里还冻着枸杞 Better go back to chilling meat!
所以 Listen up!
做好我的仆吏 我女人你别想占据 Chill my pale ale And give me back the female
反击啊 Bring it on!
冷是你的武器 但简直不堪一击 你每次开口说唱 都可能扰乱大气 You ain't cool, you a clown Your tracks bring the planet down
写口水歌想赚money 比不上会做蜂蜜 So what if you make money? I'll respect you when you make honey
醒醒吧 傻逼 你下一秒就过气 Wake up, Honky, you're past it!
命运是成为过期垃圾 As obsolete as a video cassette
下场是被回收放弃 谁会在意 You'll be recycled as a staple gun And who will care?
没谁在意 No one!
就像软盘失去生机 Like floppy disks went extinct
你也迟早跌进淋逼 You'll be out on the street
肥大的身体 周围堆满垃圾 Your fat ass Between two smart trash cans
你哭哭啼啼 “我是伊夫 会说唱的智能冷冻机” You'll yell: "I'm Yves the fridge who raps!"
别给自己加戏 Crying over your dumb stanzas
早把香蕉订了哪会这么水逆 You'll wish you'd ordered my bananas!
瞧瞧我的种子 你只能卑微地叹息 See my seed, you pathetic wheezer?
乖乖把它放进你的精子冷冻器 Shove it up your sperm freezer!
伊夫·巴萝塔莉与索·巴萝塔莉基金会 Foundation Yves & So Balotelli
你能来真好 It's cool you came.
你还让我进门 真好 It's cool you let me in.
这是马尔库斯 This is Marcus.
这是杰里 Jerem.
- 哈喽 - 玛蒂尔德 奥马尔 - Hello. - Mathilde, Omar...
弗雷德 朱莉 Fred... Julie...
卡蜜尔 Camille...
还有新来的里露 And our new arrival, Lilou.
- 哈喽 里露 - 哈喽 - Hi, Lilou. - Hi.
里露给你画了幅画 Lilou made you a picture.
怎么样 你好些了吗 Are you holding up?
越来越差了 It's getting harder.
每天早晨都有新的机器送来 Every morning I wake up to find a new machine.
一样的故事 Always the same story.
为了被抛弃 伪装故障 They act broken to get thrown out.
开个二手店吧 Open a used appliance store.
我打算把一些送去寄养家庭 但是 I'd like to place some in foster families, but...
还得碰见好人才行 gotta find good people.
我可以收留一台冰箱 就当帮忙 I'll take a fridge if it helps.
我说了要好人才行 卢德先生 I said good people, Mr. Roudet!
去看看他吧 Go see him.
可以吗 You think?
他会乐意的 He'll be glad to see you.
嘿 Hi.
你现在玩跳伞了？ Parachuting now?
你也该试试 感觉很疯狂 You should try, it feels insane.
不 我就不用了 No thanks, not for me.
挠挠怎么样 How's Scritch?
- 还不会讲话吗 - 快了 - Still can't talk? - He's getting there.
我没理解错的话 他托我带好 He sends his love, I think.
进去吗 兄弟 Shall we go inside, bro?
进去吧 杰里先生 Let's go inside, Mr. Jerem.
- 嗨 达芙妮 - 嗨 伊夫 - Hi, Daphne. - Hey, Yves.
除草除得怎么样了 How's your mowing going?
除草是她最大的追求 Mowing is her passion.
那又怎样呢 大千世界 And why not? It takes all kinds to make a world.
我们在一间车库住了几个月 We lived in a garage for a while.
接着菲利亚放弃了 伊夫获得了版税 Then Philea gave in, Yves got his royalties
我们从一对英国夫妇那里买了这儿 and we bought this place from an English couple.
- 你呢 还住在你奶奶家吗 - 对 - Do you still live at Granny's? - Yep.
对做音乐来说足够了 毕竟我的新歌才五十个人听过 It's good enough. My last track only got 50 views.
我听了三十次 I watched it 30 times.
我二十次 说实话吧 And me 20 times, I admit.
靠 是你们啊 Shit, it was you guys?
我证实 I confirm...
对于发生的一切 我真的很抱歉 I'm so sorry for what happened, I...
别再道歉了 你觉得呢 No more apologies.
说得对 滚你的吧 You're right, fuck off!
- 滚你的吧 - 滚吧 - You fuck off. - Fuck off!
说真的 我不够意思 Seriously, I wasn't cool.
我吓尿了 The sperm freezer line killed me. I pissed my pants.
真的 Literally!
你呢 在做什么 Working on anything?
什么都没做 Nope.
谁 Who is it?
丹尼尔 Daniel.
你的粉色内内放到洗衣机里了 他还要洗吗 You put your pink panties in the wash. Can he spin?
不用 取消吧 No, cancel it.
手洗盘子？ Doing dishes by hand?
洗碗机读书正读到结尾 我不想打扰她 The dishwasher's finishing her book. I don't want to interrupt.